U came to my house, saying you wanted to eat jemput jemput. I cooked for you.
I thought it was a harmless night, where I cook and you stand there watching. But I was wrong, there's something more.
When we watched tv together, I thought I was sitting on an object, until I realized it was your hand, at my hip.
I was shocked, but I keep my cool. Because honestly, I kinda like it too.
You started leaning heavily on me. Your head was already on my shoulder.
You told me that my body felt so soft, like a pillow.
And then your hand, it moves from my hip to my waist.
This time, I won't let you put it there for long. It's started to get weird, honestly.
You kept asking if I were sleepy, which I told you I'm not, cause I really don't.
You maintained your hand and your head to me until you popped the question,
"Kau pernah suka aku tak?"
I was shocked. That's never a question I would ever expect coming from your mouth.
"Why? Kau? Pernah suka aku?"
"I asked you first"
"Answer me first. Kau pernah suka aku?"
"Pernah lah, dulu. Sikit"
"Sekarang? Suka lagi?"
"Ada lah, sikit"
"Sikit je?"
"Aku kan dah ada girlfriend"
"Kau sayang aku tak?"
"Sayang"
"Kau sayang girlfriend kau tak?"
"Sayang"
"Amboi, boleh sayang banyak orang?!"
You laughed, and said
"I can love 10 people at a time"
And then you continued, saying
"Aku nampak masa depan aku dengan dia, aku kan tak handsome"
In my head, I was thinking, are you staying with the girl just because you thought that's the best you can get?
And then after a moment of silence, you said to me,
"Lepas aku kahwin nanti, kau jaga diri baik baik okay?" While your hand and fingers caressed my shoulder.
This time, I can't help it. I leaned on your shoulder, full of emotions
"Kenapa kita jumpa lambat sangat"
I can feel your breath in my ear. I can feel your face against my cheek. I can still remember you moving your face against mine.
"Shhh..shh"
And we just sit there in silence, in each other's warmth.
For the first time in forever, I wanted to stop time. I want you always to be by my side.
I know you do, too.
It's almost 4 am, and you went back to your house. You asked for a hug, a last embrace, but I denied you.
I think, no. You're not mine anyways.
The moment after you left, I cried my heart out. I asked God, why is it so hard for me to be happy? Is happiness not destined for me?
The next day, I can't get out from bed. I can only cry.
It went on for the whole week.
I suffered.
